Thursday, January 22, 2009

My Schedule

I'm 2.5 months away from 30. Now, I know that isn't old- but its older- and I'm feeling it. I feel behind schedule. . . like when i was born i was handed the schedule for my life and I just realized I am a few YEARS late to an important appointment. I know in my heart that there is no schedule. Everyone works in their own time and in their own way. But the dang social clock is ticking so loud that i can't hear myself think (or is that my biological clock- no wait- the alarm is going off on my biological clock- thats what that ringing sound is!!) I'm almost 30 and i still don't own a house, i don't own a car, hell I don't even own a dog! I just want to do so much and am having a hard time figuring how its all gonna smush into this time line i have created for myself.

The other night I cracked myself up. I was praying- correction- I was talking at God, telling God my schedule, MY timeline for the things i wanted to acomplish in the next year. I suddenly got the feeling that God was patiently listening to my lineup and quietly laughing at me. . . not in a mean way, but definately in an amused way. Like He appreciated my enthusiasm (and organizational skills) and was truly listening to the desires of my heart, but telling me to put the breaks on! Anything can happen- thats one of the great mysteries of life. Tomorrow is not a given, its a gift. I was instantly uncomfortable as i realized/remembered i was NOT in controll of my life. I need controll. I need my datebook and my google calendar, my big desk calendar with the inspirational quotes and the one that hangs on the wall in my cubicle with asinine sayings involving cats and kittens ("everything looks better with cat hairs on it"... what?) But at the same time i was comforted by the knowledge that someone far greater and more powerful than me, who loves me beyond all comprehension, WAS in control of my life. Thats a strange place to be- comfortable and uncomfortable all at once... kinda like laying on the beach, gazing at crystal clear water, warm sun, light breeze, corona in hand, and a crotch full of sand.

And now for something REALLY FABULOUS. (thank you natalie dee)

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